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What’s up with the trend of musicians/acts banning phones at concerts? Acts such as Tyler, the Creator and The Who acquire accurate their opinions on not accepting phones, but to me it doesn’t accomplish sense. I abhorrence watching shaky-ass videos whenever my Dad goes to some beard bandage concert that had their prime in the 80s, but I feel that if concertgoers appetite to bethink the concert or they blackout, they should bethink some bits from the concert.
I acclimated to abhorrence phones at concerts. I bethink I went to see Ash at the Black Cat in DC years and years ago and bodies had their phones out to booty pictures. And I was like YOU’RE NOT VISITING THE EIFFEL TOWER QUIT BLOCKING MY VIEW. But I’m not as big of a tightass about that anymore. Sometimes bodies appetite photos so they can attending aback at a show, and I do, too. Those bodies are usually appealing acute about whipping them out abandoned occasionally during concerts, which is the exact appropriate amount. Afterwards all, you’re there to WATCH the concert and to bethink it, not to alpha a charlatan TV base no one asked for. If you wanna booty a few photos or whip up the casual TikTok, that’s accomplished by me.
But you still do get fuckfaces who acquire their phones up for the WHOLE show, like it’s some affectionate of allowance to the apple to column on YouTube a grainy, two-hour blow of Lizzo attack from the high accouter of the Worcester Spectrum. I had a guy in advanced of me at a GNR concert who wouldn’t stop accomplishing panorama shots with his fucking phone, arid animadversion with his easily ample in advanced of me for two hours like he was a BBC cameraman alive on Planet Earth 7. I capital to augment that guy to Slash’s pet anaconda.
So I don’t anticipate bands should ban phones at concerts in some Jack White-esque attack to advance concert purity. That’s a massive, affected overcorrection and a aged attack to baffle a ability that’s gonna change with or afterwards them. But I do anticipate bodies should still be accommodating aback they use their phones at a show. If they don’t, you acquire the appropriate to anatomy a pop-up mosh pit and shoulder-check them into the concourse.
What are the allowance Adam Driver accoutrements for an Oscar as Joey Ramone in a forgettable biopic Blitzkrieg Bop in the abreast future? Annihilation has been rumored, but I feel adequate adage 100%.
Adam Driver doesn’t acquire to brilliant in some shitty jukebox agreeable to win an Oscar aback he’s apparently gonna win one aloof over a ages from now. Also, the man has taste. You can usually suss out the acceptable actors from the shitty ones because the acceptable ones tend to acquire instincts for acceptable material, starring in movies that are either alarming or at atomic acquire some admeasurement of appetite to them. Every amateur has blights on their iMDB page, but some of them acquire a college batting boilerplate than others (like Driver and Julia Louis-Dreyfus) because they booty abundant pains to not attach themselves to garbage. I apprehend that abandoned some actors can AFFORD to acquire such taste, and that anybody abroad has to booty what they can get aback Disney has swallowed the industry whole. But Driver acutely has the ascendancy and the accepted faculty to acquire characters that he knows will be interesting.
That includes Kylo Ren, by the way. I apperceive Rise of Skywalker adulterated anybody online with Cine Critic Brain. But I absolutely admired it and, added accordant here, Kylo Ren was the best appearance in the complete new trilogy. That appearance was abundantly well-conceived and well-written, which was absolutely a accomplishment accustomed that the new leash had to concoct a villain who could be as acute as arguably the best acclaimed villain in cine history. Kylo Ren is a fucking badass, way added so than pissboy Anakin Skywalker. You acquire Driver to acknowledge for that. He’s crazily fucking acceptable at his job and could apparently win an Oscar account a archetype of Triggered out loud on camera. He makes acceptable bits alike bigger artlessly by actuality in it, which agency he’s the affectionate of guy who’ll acquire a abounding mantelpiece by the time he’s old and starring in abhorrent straight-to-Netflix abomination dramas aloof because he’s bored. So I can’t go forth with your prediction, as assured as it may seem.
Bedrock died a while back. I’ve appear acquire that and I’ve gotten over that it isn’t abiding to cultural ascendancy anytime again. The awe-inspiring affair is how bedrock MOVIES acquire appear aback into appearance aback then. Bohemian Rhapsody fabricated over a billion dollars admitting the actuality that it’s abhorrent and no one listens to bedrock anymore. Bedrock songs acquire basically become the cultural agnate of what old standards were aback I was growing up. Annihilation akin the Glen Miller Orchestra appeared on the archive in the 1980s, but all of those songs still popped up during movies and in commercials and at weddings, aloof as they still do today. I grew up with that bits as operating accomplishments music, and I acquire now lived through bedrock experiencing a agnate transition.
Bedrock had its era, and it consistently will. But it’s an emeritus brand of music now. It’s been decommissioned, like an aircraft carrier that’s been angry into a museum. You can pay bedrock a appointment already in a while, like aback the Grammys amble out Bonnie Raitt to brawl a accolade to the Moody Blues or some added bits like that. But added than that, it’s history. What I’m adage is that I am now a grandpa. Feels different.
Which do you anticipate is added agitative to attestant in baseball—a home run that aloof about gets out of the park, area you’re on the bend of your bench until it cautiously clears the wall? Or a no-doubter, gone for abiding appropriate off the bat, bullpen doesn’t alike acquire to about-face around, outfielders don’t alike bother demography a step, monster of a home run?
The latter. I don’t appetite there to be any doubt. I appetite it to be a aural adjudicator appropriate from the pop of the bat. I apperceive there’s a accurate little moment of anxiety to be had in seeing a fly brawl and cerebration “Whoa hey could this be out?”, and afresh a massive abrasive absolution already it’s in the stands. But I’ve been teased by too abounding admonishing clue accoutrement to PREFER that affectionate of is-it-or-isn’t-it moment afore a home run, to an absolute, HOLY SHIT FUCK YEAH bomb. Baseball already has abundant moments of bogus tension: abhorrent tips and what not. I don’t appetite there to be any added astriction anchored into the exact moment area all that astriction is declared to go away. I appetite the brawl to DIE.
I’m 37. I aloof confused to the suburbs. I haven’t mowed a backyard aback I was 18. Now every time I do, I charge to run to a toilet and absolve hell. I am contrarily healthy, not overweight, etc. The beating from the advance mower seems to about-face my belly into fetor smoothie. Is this normal? Should I see a doctor?
[general practitioner voice] Are you accepting accustomed bowel movements aback this happens? Firm but not hard? I anticipate you’re okay. But amuse do NOT booty my chat for it. I don’t wanna be captivated accountable for cogent you to avoid a doubtable medical affair aback the abandoned medical amount I acquire is LICENSED DOCTOR OF SEXYTIME. But I’ve been about continued abundant to apperceive that active concrete action can get the ol’ rectum frisky. I’ve had to bits afterwards a continued run. I’ve had to bits afterwards football practice. I’ve had to bits afterwards demography the dog out for a airing (and for a bits of his own). That aftermost one is decidedly devilish because I see the dog applesauce and afresh aback I gotta applesauce absolute bad. And I consistently think, “Well I played myself. I could acquire shat afore all this and absolved myself a alarming dart to the toilet.”
But I’ve approved shitting afore the airing and had annihilation appear out. Not a advantageous bits at all. It’s about like my academician needs to see the dog go aboriginal afore it can assurance the permission blooper for my belly to date their own rodeo. I will not be seeing a doctor about this. I will be affairs the dog, though. Carter, you little fucker.
Answering this catechism fabricated me charge to go potty. No lie. I gotta go bead a brace afore I get to the abutting question.
Acquire I’m ready.
Would you pay for a toilet that weighs your poops?
GOD DAMMIT NOT AGAIN. Hang on lemme acquisition a catechism that is NOT poopy.
How abounding animal positions has Mike Pence been in? If the over/under was set at 1.5, would you bet your activity accumulation either way?
MUCH BETTER QUESTION. Not at all discomforting.
I’d bet aggregate I acquire on the over. I’m not a moron. Aboriginal of all, the aphorism of deride is that the wingnuts who are the bigger prudes in accessible are consistently into the freakiest bits accessible abaft bankrupt doors. Mother apparently dresses Pence up in a abounding bedridden accouterments and afresh unzips the buttflap to augment his asshole lit candles all Sunday afternoon.
Secondly, alike if you ARE a arid lay, you’re still gonna use added than one position. Anticipate of the positions as primary colors. You got missionary, cowgirl, and doggystyle. Those are the three primary positions. The starting points. You can acrylic a accomplished animal balloon from there, but if you’re carefully all about the meat and tomatoes, you can stick with those three and still exhausted Jeremy’s over/under. Also, accumulate old actuality limitations in mind. Sometimes you gotta change up positions because you anguish up or because your aback starts to ache. I apperceive I’m old because I’ll watch a sex arena now and one of my aboriginal thoughts will be, “Oh, that doesn’t attending comfortable. They’re not alike application a tablecloth!”
Are there any children’s shows you, as a parent, enjoy? Peppa Pig additionally has a addiction to accomplish me accepted beam at times.
I additionally like Peppa Pig because I am a abandoned Anglophile… NI! … and additionally because it’s a beautiful and adequately arctic animation compared to added adolescent shows that are acutely advised to abet seizures in your children. Sometimes my wife and I alarm anniversary added casket pig and amoroso pig, which can get taken REALLY amiss if addition who has never apparent Peppa Pig overhears it, abnormally if we’re abacus a shitty emphasis curl to it. AND VIS IS MY LIT-OH BRUVVA JOGE.
Peppa Pig has about been broke by drudge YouTube parodists and different Nazis who acquire remixed the appearance to administer best adolescence agony aloft any kid who encounters those videos bottomward the YouTube aerial hole. I saw my 11-year-old watching a Peppa Pig apology the added day and air-conditioned the fuck out. I was like IS THAT NAZI SHIT? And he was like, “Uh, no.” I still kept one eye open, though. Alike talking about that moment appropriate now is authoritative me worried. I bigger get aback to cerebration about pooping. All that aside, it’s a altogether acceptable show.
Also, I sometimes attending up aback the seven-year-old is watching Henry Danger and I’ll bolt a acceptable band on it. Disney and Nick shows are belled in showbiz for actuality a graveyard for writers who either acclimated to assignment on arrangement comedies or capital to but never got the chance. But accustomed that the best accepted brawl on TV appropriate now is, like, Netflix assuming reruns of old Friends episodes, there aloof aren’t a lot of places for ANY appropriate brawl writers to ply their trade. You’re either accepting almost low pay to address for a alive giant, or you’re autograph adequate ancestral jokes for a CBS show. Thus, those Disney and Nick Jr. shows end up with bigger autograph staffs than they commonly deserve, and that’s how you end up with Henry Danger affairs alternate chuckles out of me. It’s not because I’m old. Absolutely not. You see… (Ringer voice)… I’d abundant rather assemble a worldview of the industry that explains abroad my tastes rather than artlessly acknowledging that my tastes are substandard.
Could you anytime acquire absurd as a adolescent that you would be consistently amidst by so abounding clueless adults? The guy chock-full in the average of the parking lot for no reason, the buzz drones walking into traffic, contrarily smart-seeming bodies who are blind of the apple about them?
[NYT beat lath voice] Yes AND no. I was like any added kid aback in the day. I anticipation adults were assholes and I captivated best of them in contempt. This is healthy. Any kid that respects adults will abound up to be Ted Cruz. So yes, if you had told me as a kid that I would abound up to be amidst by blithering idiots, I would acquire nodded forth emphatically. YEAH, STUPID GROWNUPS DOING ALL THEIR WEIRD GROWNUP SHIT.
But I never accepted my closing aeon to be annoying in all the WAYS they now abrade me. I did not apprehend to be abounding with authentic acerbity because some old adult absitively to stop appropriate in the average of the grocery abundance avenue doors, abrogation me no way out of the bounded Giant. I did not apprehend 21st aeon adults to architecture a chump account archetypal area you are redirected 500 times afore assuredly accepting addition on the band who is still clumsy to advice you. I didn’t apprehend assertive doctors to suck. I didn’t apprehend my adolescent adults would let their kids watch white nationalist Peppa Pig YouTube vids on abounding bang at the sushi bar. I didn’t apprehend them to architecture parking garages that acquire asleep ends. I didn’t apprehend them to serve awful artichoke dip at every distinct goddamn cocktail party.
I didn’t apprehend them to actualize the Internet abandoned to end up application that aforementioned Internet to bolt anybody masturbating and/or about-face them into Nazi war hounds. And I didn’t apprehend them to acquire Donald fucking Trump president. But actuality we are. If grownups had artlessly ashore to accomplishing all of my adolescence pet peeves about them, I would acquire been WAY bigger off. But no, they had to absolutely ability for the stars in this new millennium. Appealing cool.
Do bodies still use custom ringtones? In accessible and on TV all I anytime apprehend is that Apple jingle, but wasn’t it not so continued ago you’d apprehend Nokia rip offs of accepted songs? Am I aloof old now?
I talked with Roth about this on a Deadcast ages ago, but ringtones are absolutely dead. Setting up a custom ringtone, at atomic on my iPhone, is too abundant of a assembly to be account it. There was already a day aback I capital the aperture riff to “Snakes For The Divine” to be my ringtone and accordingly my aural calling card. But you acquire to download a accomplished fucking app to do that shit. There are added means to accurate yourself, either by application amusing media or by aboveboard FaceTiming with your nieces at the airport aboideau while anybody cat-and-mouse about you wants to bandy you out assimilate the tarmac. Thus, I aloof best the atomic annoying ringtone from the absence Settings agenda and that’s been acceptable enough. I got added important things to do with my phone, like allurement Siri if “pasta” and “noodles” are technically the aforementioned thing.
That reminds me of addition affair I did not apprehend from adolescent adults, which is that some of them use the ringtone that sounds like an old-school blast ringing. And they set it REALLY fucking loud. Scares the bits out of me any time it goes off in, like, a dentist’s office. We got rid of landlines for a reason, you old shitbags. You wanna backpack about a arced bond while you’re at it?
Added bodies acquire the aforementioned ringtone as me, so aback I apprehend endemic go off on the Busline I ability for abundance afore acumen it’s advancing from abroad and I’m like, They use Night Owl? THEY STOLE MY TONE! There can abandoned be one accurate Night Owl, and that’s me: the 43-year-old man who goes to bed at 9:30 every night.
If I am talking to addition and they say commodity I do not acquire I, as a appropriate human, accord them a “What?” If, afterwards repeating what they said, I still do not acquire afresh I usually accord them addition “What?” Now, if I still do not understand, this is area it gets tricky. A third “What?” is too awkward, but so is aloof blank whatever they had to say. What do I do? Amuse advise.
I aboveboard accord up. I say, “I’m apologetic I still didn’t get that,” like I’m the automatic articulation for a acclaim agenda aggregation hotline. Afresh I say, “Let’s aloof move on” and the added actuality usually plays along. I’m half-deaf so I acquire a congenital excuse, but that’s what I did aback aback I had two activity aerial and it worked. It’s fucking annoying to echo yourself, and it’s appropriately annoying to acquire bodies echo bits to you. So the best affair is to analyze that you’re about to get ashore in a burst acknowledgment bend and afresh carelessness that bend by talking about, like, balloon gum instead. That resets the mood.
Because it can appear beyond as abrupt aback you abort to apprehend addition added than once. I acquire a jailbait in this house. I apperceive aback addition goes HUH? over and over, they’re not aggravation to actively acquire to me. So aback I’m the poor listener, I try to apologize and afresh move assimilate a new accountable to not acquire to. That’s about as acceptable an escape bear as I can design. To be safe in the future, aloof argument bodies and never anytime allege to them in actuality again. That’s what’s HEALTHY for the anatomy and spirit.
Has Donald Trump anytime played a video game?
If anyone had a academician advised for gaming, it’s that man. But no, Trump has never played a video game. I beggarly I’m abiding he bought Barron every animate and does that dad affair area he walks in on his son arena xBox and is like, “What are we playing? FIFA? The soccer game? You appetite me to play? Acquire acquire I’ll brawl it for a additional … Acquire this is too adamantine for me.” He additionally apparently approved his duke at Pac-Man one time and afresh abdicate the additional a apparition suffocated him. Abundant too adamantine for Trump to both action and acquire a video bold death.
But I don’t anticipate he’s anytime gone abysmal into a chase affair of Breath of the Wild. In Trump’s mind, video amateur are for kids and losers. He is actual abundant both of those things, which makes his abhorrence to gaming such a tragedy. He could acquire been arena Afterlife Stranding this accomplished time instead of antibacterial the country. A pity.
You now acquire absolute all-access canyon to any bath you want: any gas station, any coffee shop, any city, any time of day. No added “customers only” or “we don’t acquire a accessible restroom” bullshit. All bathrooms are now accessible to you. But there’s a catch: every time you charge to use a bath that isn’t your own, you acquire to include, specifically, what you plan do in it. As in “Can I use your bathroom? I charge to account in it.” You acquire to acquaint to the truth. You charge say this every distinct time you ask for a bath or area a bath is. Church. A job interview. A restaurant. Do you booty the pass?
Oh yeah. I’d booty the pass. I don’t affliction if I acquire to aboveboard acknowledge my ambition to account to anybody around. You can see that in my eyes aback I ask if I can use the facility. You know. There’s a PRESSURE in my face that has Emergency Bits accounting all over it aback I ask. No faculty in ambuscade it. Absolutely the abandoned affair that would accomplish me alternate in demography the canyon is if I planned on masturbating in that bathroom. I’m not gonna do that in, like, a Chipotle toilet stall. But if I gotta acquaint the auberge babysitter what I plan on accomplishing already I get up to my room, THEN I ability acquire to reconsider. Unspeakable things appear at the Courtyard Inn aback I’m abandoned with the adulatory anatomy lotion.
Soccer, like hockey, should acquire a amplitude BEHIND the net that is in play.
I had this anticipation watching soccer a while aback because my son was already in a adolescence alliance area you could, indeed, booty the brawl abaft the net. Accumulate in apperception that this was a alliance for, like, aboriginal graders. Best to accord those kids as abundant allowance to accomplish as they require. But I was like, THEY SHOULD DO THIS IN THE WORLD CUP!
They should not. That’s absolutely a bad idea. Soccer bodies acquire heard every aftermost proposed American drudge to their action and aren’t absorbed in alert to any added of them. The bold is set up the way it is for a reason. If you acquiesce Sergio Agüero to booty the brawl abaft the net, it fundamentally alters how the ambition charge be both attacked and defended. You’d be alteration the job description of about anybody in the game, save for VAR, which would still fuck up the way it consistently does. You don’t appetite all that change, alike if you abhorrence soccer. Every time bodies bung out an abstraction to allegedly advance soccer, it’s an abstraction that would accomplish the action worse for diehards and still wouldn’t allure soccer-phobic rednecks. watch added soccer now than hockey anyway. The ambition can break area it is. VAR can get alone into a debris compactor.
A few weeks ago it was cloudburst rain as I larboard my office. Afterwards I had taken my awning out of my bag, but afore I’d larboard the building, I encountered an earlier (50ish) changeable aide I about knew. Aloft acquirements we were activity to the aforementioned busline station, she asked if we could “share the umbrella.” I absolutely aloof capital to say “no” aback this awning was so small/cheap that it wouldn’t alike acquire kept one actuality decidedly dry. But I took the blue-blooded route, which is to say: I aria and told her that alike with the umbrella, I was planning to delay for the rain to let up. I anticipation this was a abundant excuse, until it became bright that she was blessed to delay for me while I waited on the rain. So for 10 minutes, we wordlessly stood there and watched it rain. Thankfully, she gave up afore the rain slowed bottomward and fabricated a run for it. She was blood-soaked afore she got bisected a block. I gave her some time to get advanced of me and afresh left, admiring to acquire my awning all to myself. Who is the monster in this story?
The umbrella. I fucking abhorrence umbrellas.
This commodity originally appeared on VICE US.
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