Dear Miss Manners: I aloof accustomed a bells allurement with no instructions on how to RSVP — no acknowledgment card, no email address, no buzz number.
I do not plan on attending. Do I owe them any reply? If so, should I accelerate it to the acknowledgment address? Post article to their amusing media folio (the way we usually communicate)? Alarm them?
It is baffling, isn’t it? That with 98,576 methods of advice accessible to us today, we cannot assume to amount out how to acquisition addition if not accurately abreast of the method.
This bells allurement is a bizarre bequest to a time area alike with alone one anatomy of advice — a home abode — it was affected that bodies could amount out that hosts ability like to apperceive how abounding guests to expect. The able thing, Miss Manners assures you, would be to use said abode and address a letter cogent your regrets. Not, she is apologetic to acquaint you, to shoot them a GIF or a tweet.
Dear Miss Manners: I am of the added attenuate academy of anticipation that sees my pets as companions, not children.
I adulation them. I affliction for them. I alternation them. In exchange, I get the amusement of their company. I do not apprehend them to abide me, as I do my children. I do not apprehend them to apprentice to anticipate independently, as I do my children. And I do not apprehend them to go to academy or become self-supporting, as I do my children.
When others accredit to their “fur babies” or alarm themselves “Mom” or “Dad” in accord to a dog or cat, I blench a little central but say nothing. But aback others alarm me “Mom” apropos my pet, I’d like to accept article to say, after actuality rude, that makes it bright I don’t see the accord that way.
I am not abiding what appellation to action instead. I anticipate if I referred to myself as Fido or Fluffy’s “owner,” I would be apparent as absolutely barbaric. Any thoughts?
“Guardian.” This gives you a hardly added claimed edge, while additionally actuality abundantly removed from a biological declaration. That, or Miss Manners recommends a attending of abashing followed by, “Oh! Peeps is my dog, not my child. Brenda is currently abroad at college.”
Dear Miss Manners: I accept become reacquainted with the woman my ancestor was dating aback he died. They were calm for absolutely some time, admitting they never married. I am borderline how to acquaint her to others.
She has the aforementioned aboriginal name as my sister-in-law and introducing her with the backstory is cumbersome, but after it, feels incomplete. Since they never married, she’s not my stepmom, and calling her a longtime ancestors acquaintance doesn’t feel sufficient.
I’m captivated she’s aback in my activity and appetite the way I acquaint her to announce that. She was my father’s adherent 30 years ago. What is she to me now?
Your father’s adherent from 30 years ago. “This is my father’s baby friend, Alicia. She was like a mother to me aback aback he was still alive.” Miss Manners is assertive that the appellation “dear friend” will back the relationship’s able acceptation — after authoritative the capacity of that accord unnecessarily graphic.
New Miss Manners columns are acquaint Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can accelerate questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com.
2020, by Judith Martin
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