12 New Name Card Quotes

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While affair and roses accomplish for a admirable Valentine’s Day gesture, bushing your February 14th with both adulation and laugher is generally the best allowance of all. From funny Valentine’s Day quotes that playfully blow fun at this Hallmark anniversary to LOL-worthy annotation about alliance and relationships, this big account of funny Valentine’s Day quotes allege to the lighter ancillary of love.

Business card template. Chat Quote sign icon. Quotation mark.
Business card template. Chat Quote sign icon. Quotation mark. | name card quotes

To accord your valentine lots of action this year, allotment one of these amusing adage with them over Instagram or address one of these funny quotes in their Valentine’s Day card.

And whatever you do, don’t balloon the chocolates!

1. “Valentine, aloof a few words to acquaint you how I adulation you. I accept admired you aback the aboriginal day I saw you. Whenever that was.” ― Charles M. Schulz

2. “I capital to accomplish it absolutely appropriate on Valentine’s Day, so I angry my admirer up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I capital on TV.” — Tracy Smith

3. “Valentine’s Day: the anniversary that reminds you that if you don’t accept a appropriate someone, you’re alone.” —Lewis Black

4. “To be in adulation is abandoned to be in a accompaniment of perceptual anesthesia.” — H. L. Mencken

5. “Valentine’s Day is aback a lot of affiliated men are reminded what a poor attempt Cupid absolutely is.” —Anonymous

6. “Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t appearance up on x-rays, but you apperceive it’s there.” — George Burns

Related: Happy Valentine’s Day Quotes! 150 Cupid-Approved V-Day Quotes for 2020 

7. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm… easy, both. I appetite bodies to be abashed of how abundant they adulation me.” — Michael Scott, The Office

8. “The affair about Valentine’s day is that bodies ascertain who are distinct and who to feel anxious of.” — Faye Morgan

9. “You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” — Henny Youngman

10. “Without Valentine’s Day, February would be…well, January.” — Jim Gaffigan

11. “If you argument ‘I adulation you’ to a actuality and the actuality writes aback an emoji – no amount what that emoji, they don’t adulation you back.” — Chelsea Peretti

12. “Remember, your Valentine’s agenda shows you affliction abundant to accelerate the actual best, alike admitting you’re too apathetic to put it in your own words.” — Melanie White

13. “The abstruse to a continued alliance is to break gone.” — Dolly Parton

14. “I didn’t abatement for you, you tripped me!” — Jenny Han

15. “You apperceive how bodies say, ‘You can’t alive after love’? Well, oxygen is alike added important.” – Dr. Gregory Houser

16. “Real adulation amounts to denial the truth, alike aback you’re offered the absolute befalling to aching someone’s feelings.” — David Sedaris

17. “You’re never abandoned on Valentine’s Day if you’re abreast a basin and accept bread.” — Mike Primavera

18. “A brace of able spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a actuality in love.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

19. “It wasn’t adulation at aboriginal sight. It took a abounding bristles minutes.” — Lucille Ball

20. “A guy knows he’s in adulation aback he loses absorption in his car for a brace of days.” — Tim Allen

Related: Cupid’s Calling! Here are 100 of the Best Instagram Caption Account to Post on Valentine’s Day

21. “A man’s capital job is to assure his woman from her admiration to ‘get bangs’ every added month.” — Dax Shepard

22. “Can clearly affirm that the way to a man’s affection these canicule is not through beauty, food, sex, or alluringness of character, but abandoned the adeptness to assume not actual absorbed in him.” — Bridget Jones’s Diary

23. “If you argument ‘I adulation you’ and the actuality writes aback an emoji—no amount what that emoji is, they don’t adulation you back.” — Chelsea Peretti

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Minimalist Bold Large Quote Business Card | Zazzle.com .. | name card quotes

24. “It is not adulation that makes a accord complicated; it’s the bodies in it who do.” — Unknown

25. “Love is actuality brainless together.” — Paul Valery

26. “Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can affected that, you’re in.” — Richard Jeni

27. “Love is a grave brainy illness.” — Plato

28. “Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.” — Phyllis Schlafly

29. “True adulation is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and absolution the added actuality sing the Freddie Mercury part.” — Mindy Kaling

30. “I adulation actuality married. It’s so abundant to acquisition that one appropriate actuality you appetite to abrade for the blow of your life.” — Rita Rudner

31. “One should consistently be in love. That is the acumen one should never marry.” — Oscar Wilde

32. “Love is alone a bedraggled ambush played on us to accomplish assiduity of the species.” — W. Somerset Maugham

33.“The affair about Valentine’s day is that bodies ascertain who are distinct and who to feel anxious of.” — Faye Morgan

34. “Oh here’s an idea: let’s accomplish pictures of our centralized organs and accord them to added bodies we adulation on Valentine’s Day. That’s not awe-inspiring at all.” — Jimmy Fallon

35. “Remember, your Valentine’s agenda shows you affliction abundant to accelerate the actual best, alike admitting you’re too apathetic to put it in your own words.” – Melanie White

36.I accept no Valentines date! Anyway, it’s okay, aliment is love, aliment is life.37. “Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.” – Oscar Wilde

38. “Love agency annihilation in tennis, but it’s aggregate in life.” – Unknown

39. “In case I balloon to acquaint you later, I had a absolutely acceptable time tonight.” — Pretty Woman

40. “Love is a fire. But whether it is activity to balmy your address or bake bottomward your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford

41. “If adulation is the answer, afresh could you adapt the question?” — Lily Tomlin

Related: 61 Valentine’s Day Gifts That Will Steal Your Daughter’s Heart 

42.” Gravitation is not amenable for bodies falling in love” — Albert Einstein

43. “By all agency marry. If you get a acceptable wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

44. “The agitation with some women is that they get all aflame about nothing—and afresh ally him.” — Cher

45.”My accompany acquaint me I accept an acquaintance problem. But they don’t absolutely apperceive me.” – Garry Shandling

46.”So you see, my son, there is a actual accomplished band amid adulation and nausea.” — King Jaffe Joffer

47. “I was abhorrent and tingly all over. I was either in adulation or I had smallpox.” – Woody Allen

48.” A guy knows he’s in adulation aback he loses absorption in his car for a brace of days.” – Tim Allen

49. “Love is administration your popcorn.” — Charles Schulz

50.“I affiliated for love. But the accessible ancillary account of accepting addition about to acquisition your glasses cannot be ignored.” — Cameron Esposito

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Business card template with quotes commas – name card quotes | name card quotes

51. “My accompany acquaint me I accept an acquaintance problem. But they don’t absolutely apperceive me.” — Garry Shandling

52. “Obviously, if I was austere about accepting a accord with addition long-term, the aftermost bodies I would acquaint him to would be my family.” — Chelsea Handler

53. “Women ally men acquisitive they will change. Men ally women acquisitive they will not. So anniversary is accordingly disappointed.” – Albert Einstein

54. “Love is ambuscade who you are at all times. It’s cutting composition to bed and activity bench to Burger King to poop.” — 30 Rock

55. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I appetite bodies to be abashed of how abundant they adulation me.” — The Office

56. “Love is blind—marriage is the eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason

57. “Being a acceptable bedmate is like actuality a actor comic. You charge 10 years afore you can anxiety yourself a beginner.” – Jerry Seinfeld

Related: Create The Ultimate Valentine’s Day For Your Kids’ Classroom With 43 Fun Valentines’ Ideas 

58.” If you can break in adulation for added than two years, you’re on something.” — Fran Lebowitz

59. “Men appetite the aforementioned affair from their underwear that they appetite from women; a little bit of abutment and a little bit of freedom.” — Jerry Seinfeld

60. “You can’t put a amount tag on love. But if you could, I’d delay for it to go on sale.” — Hussein Nishah

61.” Never assurance a Valentine with your own name.” — Charles Dickens

62. “Before you ally a actuality you should aboriginal accomplish them use a computer with apathetic internet to see who they absolutely are.” — Will Ferrell

63. “The abundant catechism which I accept not been able to answer… is, ‘What does a woman want?’ — Freud

64. “Where adulation is the case, the doctor is an ass.” — English Proverb

65. “Never ally a man you wouldn’t appetite to be afar from.” — Nora Ephron

66. “Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.” — James Thurber

67. “An archaeologist is the best bedmate a woman can have. The earlier she gets the added absorbed he is in her.” — Agatha Christie

68. “You’re aloof like bacon, beer, and amber – you accomplish aggregate better.” — Unknown

69. “Love is grand; annulment is a hundred grand.” — Unknown

70. “Love is not accepting to authority in your farts anymore.” — Bree Luckey

71. “Eighty percent of affiliated men bluff in America. The blow bluff in Europe.” — Jackie Mason

72.”I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.” — Chico Marx

73. “So you see, my son, there is a actual accomplished band amid adulation and nausea.” — King Jaffe Joffer

74. “A man who accurately guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not actual bright.” — Lucille Ball

75. “My wife gets all the money I make. I aloof get an angel and apple-pie clothes every morning.”— Ray Romano

76. “Marriage is a lot like the army, anybody complains, but you’d be abashed at the ample cardinal that re-enlists.” — James Garner

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Blue hello quote social media business card | Zazzle.com .. | name card quotes

Related: These 54 Valentine’s Day Gifts for Kids Will Accomplish ‘Em Go Heart-Eyed 

77. “I about had a analytic girlfriend, but she larboard me afore we met.” — Steven Wright

78. “My wife was abashed of the dark. Afresh she saw me naked and now she’s abashed of the light.” — Rodney Dangerfield

79. “What the apple absolutely needs is added adulation and beneath paperwork.” – Pearl Bailey

80. “Women cannot accuse about men anymore until they alpha accepting bigger aftertaste in them.” — Bill Maher

81. “Women charge a acumen to accept sex. Men aloof charge a place.” — Billy Crystal

82. “My buzz array lasts best than best of my relationships nowadays.” — Jacques Torres

83. “There is a abode you can blow a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.” – Melanie Griffith

84. “When you see a affiliated brace walking bottomward the street, the one that’s a few accomplish advanced is the one that’s mad.” – Helen Rowland

85. “Love is a two-way artery consistently beneath construction.” — Carroll Bryant

86.”I reallyyy like you, alike if my comatose allegation face says otherwise!” — Unknown

87. “A man in adulation is abridged until he has married. Afresh he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

88.Yay! We still like anniversary other. Blessed Valentine’s Day, beautiful.

89. “Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement anniversary other’s minimum circadian requirements.” – Kathy Mohnke

90. “I aloof appetite to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I adulation you.” — Dwight Schrute

91. “Look, there’s no aesthetics on apple like chocolates.” — Fernando Pessoa

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92. “Love is an electric absolute with somebody abroad in ascendancy of the switch.” — Cathy Carlyle

93. “Do you accept in adulation at aboriginal sight, or should I airing by again?” — Unknown

94.“Love is like war: accessible to activate but actual adamantine to stop.” – H. L. Mencken

95. “That’s why they anxiety them crushes. If they were easy, they’d anxiety them article else.” — Sixteen Candles

96.I’d be the aboriginal to barge on your admirable crank head. Blessed Valentine’s Day!

97. “Love is like an hourglass, with the affection bushing up as the academician empties.” — Jules Renard

98. “As a man in a relationship, you accept a choice: You can be appropriate or you can be happy.” – Ralphie May

99. “Love is a candied dream and alliance is the anxiety clock.” — Jewish Proverb

100. “Will you be my Valentine? That was a articulate question. We’re married.” — Unknown

Making a bootleg agenda for your valentine? Check out these ambrosial DIY Valentine’s Day agenda account for inspiration.

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